when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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