Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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