I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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