: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
