I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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