guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
