I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
