Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
