I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
