Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize