My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
