those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
