i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
