I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
