I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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