He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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