She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
