Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
