AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It all started with a game of naked twister.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
