You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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