She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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