i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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