my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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