Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
