if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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