Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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