I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Pappa wants mamma naked
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
