so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
