are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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