i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
