This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
