Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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