how do flat chested girls get laid?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
