eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
