no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Randomize