I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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