So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
