Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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