Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
what day is it and did you see me today?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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