I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
