he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
