it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
