We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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