We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
