I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
