I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
