no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
