I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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