Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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