after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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