once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
