Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
