i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im holly from the hills drunk
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
