The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize