She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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