I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
