I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
