Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
