I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My liver just had a heart attack.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
