imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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