And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
