This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
