im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
