apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize