youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
