he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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