i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
