worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
