Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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