I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
