You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
