I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
