I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
